Too many people face emotional abuse in their romantic and familial relationships. This type of abuse may not be physical, but it chips away at your sense of self, security, and ability to trust. The wounds from emotional abuse are invisible, and survivors often have a hard time explaining their trauma to others. Healing from this kind of abuse is not simple or linear, but it is possible with the right support. While every person is different and has a unique journey toward overcoming relationship trauma, these steps can help you on the road to recovery.
What Is Emotional Abuse?
Before we discuss emotional abuse recovery, let’s define what we mean by emotional abuse. In brief, emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior aimed at controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. It often unfolds subtly, making it hard to identify at first. Every situation is a bit different, but the common signs of emotional abuse include:
- Constant criticism, name-calling, put-downs, and public embarrassment
- Gaslighting, or manipulating you into questioning your own sanity, memories, or perception of reality
- Controlling behavior, like dictating who you see or what you can do
- Punishing you by withdrawing emotional support or frequently using the “silent treatment”
- Making you feel afraid, whether through overt threats or subtle intimidation
- Actively trying to isolate you from friends, family, and your support network
Practical Steps to Heal from Emotional Abuse
Healing from toxic relationships and abuse is a personal journey. There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline, and you should never judge yourself for how long it takes you to heal. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you move through these stages:
1. Acknowledge the Abuse and Your Feelings
The first step is to recognize your own feelings. After all, you can’t heal from what you don’t acknowledge. Remember that abusers are skilled at making their victims feel responsible for the mistreatment, and recovery often requires you to stop blaming yourself.
At the same time, allow yourself to feel all your emotions, be it anger, sadness, confusion, or grief. These are all valid responses to the trauma you’ve endured and are part of emotional abuse recovery. You might confide in a trusted friend or family member or speak with a licensed mental health provider.
2. Prioritize Your Safety
If you are still in an emotionally abusive situation, your first priority is always to ensure your safety. This may mean creating distance from the abuser. When emotional abuse is involved, you may want to set firm boundaries as much as possible. If you feel safe to do so, clearly communicate what you will and will not tolerate. If the abuser continues to cross these defined lines, you may need to consider cutting off contact. Helplines are always available for support if you feel you can no longer handle a situation on your own.
3. Seek Professional Support
The scars from emotional abuse run deep, and navigating them alone can be overwhelming. A therapist specializing in trauma or mental health after abuse can provide the tools and support you need to heal. Specific therapeutic approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you identify and challenge the negative thought patterns installed by the abuse. What’s more, trauma-informed therapy provides a safe environment to process your experiences without re-traumatization. A professional can guide you in rebuilding your self-esteem and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
4. Reconnect With Your Support System
Abusers often thrive on isolation. As part of your healing journey, it may be a good idea to reconnect with the people who love and support you. Reach out to friends and family you may have been cut off from—it’s more than likely they’ll be happy to hear from you! Spending time with people who validate your experiences and affirm your worth is incredibly healing.
If you feel isolated and don’t know who to turn to, consider joining a support group. Sharing your story with others who have similar experiences can alleviate feelings of shame and loneliness as well as help you feel less alone.
5. Rediscover Your Identity
Over time, constant emotional abuse can start to erode your sense of self. Many people forget their own interests, passions, and goals when they’re stuck in survival mode for so long. Healing often involves rediscovering who you are outside of the abusive relationship. It may be helpful to:
- Explore old hobbies or try new ones
- Set small, personal goals that are just for you
- Spend time alone to sit in your own thoughts and feelings
6. Learn to Trust Again
Trust is one of the biggest casualties of emotional abuse. Learning to trust again, both yourself and others, is a slow process, but it’s ultimately worth it. Learning to trust after overcoming relationship trauma is easier said than done, but you can get started with these small steps:
- Practice Making Decisions—Many people in abusive relationships start questioning their own judgment. In the aftermath, practice making small decisions and trusting your instincts. Over time, this will rebuild confidence in your own perceptions.
- Be Discerning With Others—Trust must be earned. Take your time getting to know new people. Pay attention to red flags and how they respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships feel safe, respectful, and supportive. This is not to say you should never trust other people, just that being discerning with your trust can help keep you safe.
Start Your Recovery With Professional Guidance
Emotional abuse recovery doesn’t happen overnight, but with some support, you can take steps to rebuild your self-worth. At MindWell Urgent Care, we’re here to help patients across the country come to terms with their past abuse and pave a path forward. If you live in or around Dallas, TX, you can visit us in person, and patients elsewhere in Texas, Oklahoma, New Jersey, Florida, and Kansas are welcome to see us via telehealth. Contact us today to schedule your appointment.